Saturday, February 20, 2010

I suppose emotional slumps are a natural part of life, like catching a cold a few times a year. Work is stressing me out lately. I'm on a more rigid schedule than I've been on in a while and I don't have the time I used to for those daily tasks of self-renewal like journal writing, exercise, praying, reading, spending time with friends. I used to consider those things important, now they're expendable. When I finally have a moment that I'm not busy, the neglect of those things catches up with me and it's like, whoa, where am I, I'm lost without a map. I can feel the rotting inside. Parts of me that used to be strong are not any longer.

It's a Saturday and I vowed to take some alone time today and not stay cooped up in the house doing laundry as I usually end up doing. I attempted to make plans with friends, those didn't materialize. I realized I hadn't bought a birthday card for my sister, so rushed to the store then to the post office. Then the afternoon, where I ended up taking a two-hour nap. Where did my serious self-reflection time go? I'm looking for the hour of enlightenment that will make me see things differently. Lately I feel like I'm just surviving things, not experiencing them. I'm a robot, there's no joy there.

Maybe this is a scheduling problem at its root, a matter of prioritizing those things that will help me not feel so overwhelmed. Maybe I need to quit the TV habit and stop working those extra hours. Maybe I just need to change my attitude about work and not take it all so seriously. A life where you don't have time to explore and ask questions and try to find the answers is not one worth living.

1 comment:

willie boy williamson said...

A zillion people out there feel the same way as you and I'm wondering why anybody would waste this short life being unhappy. "times a wastin" better get it figured out. If I can help.....