Saturday, February 12, 2011

The dreaded V Day

So Valentine's Day is coming up and I made my coworkers laugh when I said it was my least favorite holiday. Would my attitude change if I weren't facing another V Day alone? Probably. A few things occurred to me this week:

1) I am skeptical about relationships working out, probably because my parents' failed. I don't really have an up-close model for a healthy relationship. My parents were possibly unsuited for each other from the beginning but somehow stayed married and had three kids and then split up in a horrible way. I'm terrified that's the way it'll be with me. I tend to remember the awfulness of the end, not the good parts.

2) I wonder if a relationship is something you should try to make happen, or just let things happen by chance, or fate, or whatever. I'm going to be 29. I feel this sort of urgency, like if something doesn't change in my life fairly soon maybe I will *never* find the right person. That wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen, I suppose, but it's a scenario I'm pondering more often now.

3) Does every relationship have to have "forever" as its goal? I would say I'm into commitment but forever is scary even for me.

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