Advice

Some next-to-last class advice from one of my professors: Write a journal. Otherwise how will you remember how you felt at different times in your life? How will you remember what happened, the good things and the bad things? If you don't write it down, it will all be lost.

I take this advice seriously, coming from a professor in his 70s. He's totally right. Things can get awfully hazy in your memory. It's good to have a record of them. Not that I really need to be nagged into keeping a journal, as journaling is more of a compulsion for me than an act of discipline. I've kept journals since I was 12, not to mention writing this blog. I can't imagine not journaling, in fact. But the prof's advice makes me think about it a little more seriously; it makes me more aware that I should be writing about things that are going on in my life instead of just angst-filled ramblings and musings about pop culture. What am I going to want to remember when I'm 70? That I watched Celebrity Fit Club on April 30?

Anyway, I just thought this was a great piece of advice, something I'd pass along, especially to those who are not particularly compelled to keep journals.

My second-to-last day of class. The clouds look like summer when it threatens to rain nearly every afternoon. I don't know why, walking back from class I noticed how green the grass looked. So absolutely stunningly green I don't think I'll ever forget it.

I stopped in the middle of channel surfing last night to watch the first 15 minutes of Celebrity Fit Club. Curiosity factor got me--Ross the Intern, Dustin Diamond (aka Screech), Maureen McCormick (aka Marcia Brady), and Kimberly Locke together on one show? Bizarre. Turns out Dustin Diamond is really, really annoying. I kind of miss Ross the Intern being on the pudgy side.

Amazing photos of Antarctica on this blog.

Interesting blog: ben.casnocha.com. I saw him give a speech a while back. Check out his bio--what had you accomplished by the time you were 19?

I finally got around to watching Who Killed the Electric Car?. It's completely insane the lengths that car companies went to to take these cars off the road. And our government is not much better. Sure, we're "addicted to oil" but where are the realistic plans to wean ourselves off our dependence on oil? This documentary is shocking and at the end I felt genuinely sad that electric cars never got a chance to catch on.

Another Saturday and I have had the house all to myself for the day. I really like this. Too much alone time can do damage to one's soul, but in smaller doses it's definitely restorative. I can listen to music and watch whatever TV shows I want. The Soup was really funny today.

I also haven't listened to music in what seems like forever. Pandora is way cool. "King of Pain", haven't heard that one in a while. That song is unintentionally funny. "There's a skeleton choking on a crust of bread." What?

Some job-related decisions have come up and they have forced me to start thinking about what I really want out of a job. And I really don't know. I mean, you can't just sit around reading books and blogs all day, you gotta find something useful to do. In general, I'm not very ambitious when it comes to having a career. Is that bad? I'd rather be happy than "successful" by the world's standards. I don't want to be living on the streets totally useless not being able to get a job. But at the same time, I don't want to have a job that I hate that I do just for the money.

What about having a job that you doesn't challenge you, with the view that you use the job to fund other aspects of your life? A "day job" with the other job being, for example, writing on your blog?

It relates back to the advice of my favorite song: you get what you give. The more you put into a career, the more you'll get back. But right now I don't know how much I want to give.

-I finally finished Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. All I can say is wow. Some big things happened at the end. It gets surprisingly dark for a kids book.
-McAfee VirusScan is possibly one of the most annoying products ever made. It takes about an hour to scan all my computer's files. Then I run SpyBot to delete things it missed.

Last night I watched the American Experience about the "Summer of Love" in 1967. Every time I watch TV programs about the '60s I'm amazed that all that stuff actually happened. I used to think it was silly--people dressed in tie-dyed shirts, taking acid, living in communes-- but now I don't think it was silly at all. Idealistic, maybe, but not frivolous. People really thought they were going to start a revolution. And they did, in a way. Supposedly PBS is going to make the entire program available to watch online soon.

Moved away

So strange when someone moves away, you expect her to come into the room any second the way she used to, like nothing has changed, like she isn't thousands of miles away.

This isn't like going back to college. I don't know when I'll see her again. Has it really been nearly a year since she moved back home? This was most likely the last year we'll ever live under the same roof. I'll miss watching Conan and The Office and debating about our lists of most-hated celebrities. I'll miss finding her asleep on the couch when I get home from work. I'll miss our conversations driving to and from church every Sunday, listening to country and rating the pastor's sermons. She always made me laugh.

My sister is one of the least sentimental people I know so I won't go on and get all melodramatic, just say that I'm going to miss her much more than she knows.

Coolest name ever for a band: AC Slater.

From yesterday, NMK's post on using a newsreader.

My life has been on hold for the past week or so as I tried to put together a draft of a research paper. I'll try to come up with some better posts now that that's all done with. It seems so weird to me that I once had so much time to devote to TV, blogging, reading, Internet and piano, all at the same time. Lately I haven't had much time for any of the above.

Anyway, the latest tidbits from the scrap heap that my mind is lately:
- My sister is moving to New York City on Saturday. I'm really sad about it. It's a slight consolation that I'll have a place to stay if I ever visit NYC. I'm also jealous that she will get to read the local print version of the New York Times every day.
- Mary Astell is my new hero, after reading excerpts from Some Reflections Upon Marriage. Very radical for 1700.
- I now have a newsreader. Thanks, NewMexiKen.

McGriddles = yummy

I have to give a positive review to McDonald's McGriddles breakfast sandwich. Instead of a bun or biscuit, there are two pancakes that contain beads of syrup. It's a marvel of food engineering in that it tastes like a complete pancake, egg, and bacon breakfast. Probably could have done without the gross-looking processed cheese, but overall it's definitely worth trying.

More from last week's Time (can you tell I'm behind on my magazine reading?): Lev Grossman's essay on data addiction. Grossman says Twitter is like "the cocaine of blogging or e-mail but refined into crack." lol

Beginning of Time's cover story from last week on America's broken-down army: "For most Americans, the Iraq war is both distant and never-ending."

Cat's out of the bag

Check out p. 37 of El Paso magazine's April issue.

More random thoughts

- Never get a filling. Or never get a cavity is better advice. Every time I chew something the wrong way my tooth hurts. I really need to take better care of my teeth.
- I've just spent several hours making a book review more "specific" and "concrete".
- Does anyone out there use Technorati? Is it any good? How about Kinja? I'm looking for a way to go to one site and read blogs that have been recently updated.
- As for changes to this blog, I've added a site meter (to verify that there are about five people who read this site). Also I've changed the comment option so that I don't have to approve everything before it gets posted.

Chicago

Chicago is AMAZING. I was excited to be going anywhere, but especially a big city like Chicago. There are two things you notice when you fly in to Chicago: Lake Michigan, which looks more like an ocean, and the buildings. It’s hard to contemplate how tall even one of those buildings is, and in downtown Chicago they're everywhere, building after building, as tall as mountains.

We (a large group of relatives and I) and I had only two days to spend in Chicago after my cousin's wedding in South Bend, so we had to choose our activities wisely. Sears Tower and Wrigley Field sounded cool, as did the aquarium and the natural history museum. But for me there was really only one must-do on my list: go to Harpo Studios where the Oprah Winfrey Show is taped. I mean, I watch the show every day, and after that I read O magazine, and watch my Oprah’s 20th Anniversary DVD…well, you know what I mean. How could I go to Chicago and not visit Oprah?

But Harpo Studios seemed out for the first day, since we got there in late afternoon and the family had made plans to go to Navy Pier.

Below, the view of Downtown from Navy Pier.

After that my dad and my sister and I went walking on our own down Michigan Avenue. The stores on Michigan Avenue (aka the Magnificent Mile) are world-famous, they’re huge, and the lit-up window displays are fantastically stylish: Macy’s, Bloomingdale’s, Louis Vuitton, Saks Fifth Avenue, a huge Borders store. It seemed like every store I could ever imagine wanting to go into was there, selling anything I could ever want. I had never seen stores like these--well, only on TV and in movies.

But my eyes lit up most at the Ghirardelli chocolate store, which turned out to be right across the street from the Hershey’s store. Ah, I had stumbled across the chocolate corner of Chicago. It turned out that the Ghirardelli store sells chocolate, of course, but it’s also an ice cream parlor selling the most delicious-looking chocolate sundaes I’ve ever seen. Too bad I was so full from dinner that I couldn’t even contemplate eating one. An employee was handing out samples of dark chocolate with caramel filling, so I munched on that instead. The place was packed, and we waited in a long line for my dad to order a strawberry malt (who orders a strawberry malt in the Ghirardelli chocolate store? Go figure). Besides being packed, the store was heated to the point that the chocolate started melting in my hand.

As we stood around waiting for our order, I glanced around the store. The employees were making sundaes behind a wooden counter in an extremely efficient manner. I looked at the couple in front of us, the woman carrying a baby in one of those Baby Bjorn contraptions. There was a small area of tables in front that was completely full with people laughing and talking in the very warm store. And something hit me. These people aren’t tourists--they’re just ordinary Chicagoans out for some ice cream on a Sunday night. They can go down to Michigan Avenue anytime they like. Instead of the neighborhood Baskin-Robbins, they go to the Ghirardelli store on Michigan Avenue. Wow. Just one of the benefits of living in a world-class city.

***************************************************************************

After a night’s rest, I woke up determined to see Harpo Studios. My father and my sister and I took a cab ride through the city and arrived in a nice neighborhood at what turns out to be a rather non-descript building. It wasn't what I expected. Surprisingly to me, it’s not a tourist destination—there’s not even a gift shop inside. But still, I was *so* excited thinking about Oprah Winfrey herself walking down the same sidewalks and possibly inside working on her next show. There was a guy in a ticket booth in the entryway who gave me a card so you can call for tickets to a show. Outside, I took pictures in front of the sign and my jaw dropped when I recognized the parking lost where Oprah gave away cars to the entire audience. Here's a picture of me and my sister at Harpo. Check out my smile of pure joy:

I suppose the real highlight of the visit came when I spotted two Harpo employees standing outside smoking cigarettes. I tried to make small talk with them. They seemed nice enough, not too annoyed by me the super-fan. We ended up talking about the weather, but they had to go back inside before I got to ask them what I really wanted to know, things more along the lines of “What is Oprah really like?” But at least I can say I met some people who know Oprah, which is quite possibly the closest I’ll ever come to actually meeting her.

My mission accomplished, we headed to Millennium Park, which has the Cloud Gate sculpture, basically a bean-shaped mirror sculpture. The underside is particularly fascinating. You can see different views of the people around you, sort of like looking at different camera views: one far up overhead, one close up, and one that looks like everyone’s mashed-up together. Very post-modern. I loved Millennium Park, so much so that I took about a million pictures of it:

This is the amphitheater at Millennium Park:

*Sigh* I think I’m in love. Obviously, I was very impressed by my day and night in Chicago, to the point where I sat in the hotel Sunday night and contemplated packing up my things and moving there. Seriously. It didn’t seem like much of a stretch to see myself occupying some tiny apartment, walking to the El station in my wool coat and leather boots, having lunch at one of those hot dog stands, strolling through Millennium Park on weekends. There must be tons of stuff to do in Chicago, sports events and concerts and museums to visit, great shopping, restaurants to try, but honestly, those things don’t even appeal to me that much. Even walking down the street is exciting in Chicago. Just being there right in the middle of so much energy, absorbing it all, must make you think differently about yourself. Like you’re a citizen of the world, you're able to shape your own destiny in a place where just about anything can happen.

The trip was way too short. It was difficult heading back to El Paso so soon, knowing that world is out there. As much as I love this city, it’s no Chicago. Our attempts at sophistication seem quaint in comparison. El Paso’s Downtown has about two tall buildings, neither of which is really that tall. There’s no El train, there aren’t people from every nation in the world walking down the street, there’s no Ghirardelli chocolate store. I do love El Paso and I normally hate when people are down on the city and whine about how “there’s nothing to do here,” but going to a city like Chicago I can understand why they say that, and I can understand why so many young people leave El Paso in search of bigger and better things. It just made me realize more so than ever that El Paso is not the center of the universe. But I guess that’s why people travel, to gain perspective, which I definitely did.

According to this article, "A poll conducted for the Wright Institute found that 91 percent of us have a soft addiction that keeps us from feeling satisfied," a soft addiction being "ordinary behavior that, if overdone, can wreak havoc on your life." Soft addictions include procrastination, watching too much TV, overeating, and surfing the Internet excessively. I'm thinking a soft addiction is actually a harsh-sounding name for a bad habit.

Internet access has been limited lately. Somehow everyone in my family is now home during the day and we all share one computer, so I haven't had the opportunity to come up with my usual output of amusing posts. Things I've made a mental note to post about in the past few days:
- Woo hoo, Florida won!
- This book sounds kind of interesting. Not that I haven't read all this before, but from the description it sounds like it does a good job summing up what I and a lot of people I know are going through.
- kiva.org deserves a mention. What a cool way to donate money.

I picked the final two

Currently ranked No. 16 on El Paso Times Bracket Mania. We'll see where I am tomorrow if Florida wins as I predict them to.

In reading for one of my classes, I was reminded why King James Version of 1 Corinithians 13 is one of my favorite chapters of the Bible.

Verses 12-13: "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity."

For purposes of comparison, and if you prefer "love" instead of "charity", here's the NIV version.

With a score of 73, I'm tied for 28th place in the El Paso Times Bracket Challenge. Not bad considering I know nothing about college basketball.

Now this is exciting

No posts for the next five days, since I'll be going to South Bend, Indiana (home of the Univ. of Notre Dame) and Chicago for the very special occasion of my cousin's wedding. I will try to take as many pictures as possible. Chicago, I can't wait....

My favorite quote from Walk the Line, from the movie's IMDB memorable quotes page:
Sam Phillips: Bring... bring it home? All right, let's bring it home. If you was hit by a truck and you was lying out there in that gutter dying, and you had time to sing *one* song. Huh? One song that people would remember before you're dirt. One song that would let God know how you felt about your time here on Earth. One song that would sum you up. You tellin' me that's the song you'd sing? That same Jimmy Davis tune we hear on the radio all day, about your peace within, and how it's real, and how you're gonna shout it? Or... would you sing somethin' different. Somethin' real. Somethin' *you* felt. Cause I'm telling you right now, that's the kind of song people want to hear. That's the kind of song that truly saves people. It ain't got nothin to do with believin' in God, Mr. Cash. It has to do with believin' in yourself.

Stranger Than Fiction: If Will Ferrell is so obsessed with brushing his teeth, why doesn't he use Sonicare?

My Life, Part 3

High School
My claim to fame in school was that I got good grades. I wasn’t “popular”, I didn’t do sports or other activities but I did have one of the Top 10 GPAs in my class. I got good grades, but I didn’t like school. Far from it. To me, high school was something that you got through, like sitting through an overlong baseball game. With a few really annoying people. The thing about high school is that no one really wants to be there. It seemed like all of us--teachers, students, staff--were there because of coercion, day after day.

I did have a few outstanding teachers who helped me understand subjects like Shakespeare and pre-calculus and physics. But for some classes I felt like if you just gave me a book and some time and a test to pass at the end of that time, then I would probably get as much out of it as (or quite possibly more than) going to class five days a week for nine months. I liked studying things, but in high school there’s just so much nonsense that goes along with it. Things I could have done without: the kids who misbehaved in class, the popular kids who ruled the school, a few incompetent teachers, the sleep deprivation, the smell of the cafeteria.

It was the institutionalized life, day after day, year after year. The end finally came and you’d think I’d be ready to get out of there. But it came as a shock to me. Eighteen is a young age to try to decide your whole future. How do I describe that bewildering feeling of having no idea of what you’re going to do? You’ve been doing one thing successfully, if unenthusiastically, for 12 years, and that thing is to sit down, shut up, do what you’re told, do your work and do the best you can at it. And now suddenly you’re a grown-up who is supposed to make this huge decision about what to do with your life? You’d think I’d be dying to get out of high school and start my “real life.” But the end came and I was more confused than excited.

I always thought I’d graduate from high school and go on to have that classic Felicity-esque college experience, you know, the one where you live in a dorm with your crazy friends and go to classes where you talk about the meaning of life. But I found out that there were a few complicating factors.

The first thing I realized was how much it would cost to go away to college. My grades got me a little bit in scholarship money, but it would still cost me and my parents around $10,000 a year to send me to school. I panicked when I realized there was no college fund set up for me and I would have to take out a lot of loans. If I had had really wanted it I could have gone away to a school like UT in Austin. But the reality was 1) the money freaked me out, 2) I didn’t know what I wanted to study, 3) (the biggie) I was afraid to be so far away from my family. I was afraid of being alone and feeling overwhelmed and crying myself to sleep every night. So when UTEP offered me a full-tuition scholarship, I decided to go to school there.

College
I remember driving into that huge parking lot the first day of class and thinking, whoop-de-do, so this is college. I was not impressed and not at all excited about living at home and commuting every day. I think there will always be a certain amount of regret about not having the full college experience. I know I’ve missed out on certain things. And yet I think I had a good experience overall. I learned, it was fine, and I graduated without a cent of debt.

The class schedule in college was a lot better than the one in high school, of course. I loved that classes didn’t meet every day. And I finally found an escape from the social pecking order. There wasn’t much pretentiousness at UTEP. There were a lot of older students, even some who were my parents’ age, in my classes and also a lot of students from Mexico. And, being in the computer science (CS) department, a lot of geeks.

My classes were interesting for the most part. For me there were two types of classes: the “challenge” classes—-math, physics, computer science--and the fun classes-—psychology, English literature, and my all-time favorite, Jazz to Rock. I didn’t earn as good grades as I did in high school, mostly because of the challenge classes. But I still managed to do OK at the technical classes even though I wasn’t a fantastic math student. The profs took pains to make sure that most of us could pass, so I slid by.

There were a couple of issues that haunted me throughout my years in college. I’ll admit that I was pretty isolated in college. For one, UTEP is not the place that Top 10 students from Franklin High School typically go to. Most of the people I went to high school with, including the few good friends I had, had gone away to other places. And then UTEP is a commuter campus, so people go to class and then they leave. I wasn’t completely anti-social, but I never got to know any of my classmates well enough to where we would get together outside of class.

And there was always the issue of not knowing what I wanted to do. Writing or science or computers, those were the three things I was interested in. Probably writing and science more than computers, but computer programming was the most practical. I didn’t know which one to pick. Honestly, I knew so little about the real world that it all just seemed like a big muddle. I didn’t know any adults who were doing the things I kinda/sorta wanted to do. So I stuck with CS not because I loved studying it but 1) I was already there and changing majors would be a huge hassle and 2) I knew that a CS degree was more marketable than a liberal arts degree or a science degree.

It’s weird how things work out. You pick something for arbitrary reasons, even really stupid, wrong reasons, and you just start doing it and then it’s difficult or impossible to change to something else. You pick a path out of ease or out of fear and stick with it out of inertia and somehow it determines the path of your entire life. And that’s how it was in college. I picked this path I wasn’t super excited about but I just stuck with it because I didn’t know what else to do.

So on went college. I raced through my classes, going to summer school every summer. I had my own apartment for awhile, which was cool. Then I moved back home. Then I graduated, in three and a half years instead of four.

And once again my life was plunged into confusion. I was so busy during my last semester of college that I really didn’t have time for anything but school. I didn’t have time to interview for jobs. I didn’t really even have time to just sit around and contemplate the future of my life. The hasty solution to all this was to go to CS grad school at UTEP. I figured I’d go to grad school, avoid working for two more years, and come out with a marketable degree at the end of it.

Grad school
All of which turned out to be really, really bad reasons for going to grad school. Right away I knew it was a bad decision. The classes were difficult. I felt very outmatched among these serious students with amazing mathematical abilities. Grad school turned out to be a very self-directed type of place, exactly the wrong place for a person who was still unsure of what she wanted to do. I was, in fact, still doubting whether I wanted to be in the field at all.

It was a wrong turn, and I knew it. But I didn’t see any way to get out of it. I didn’t want to get an 8-to-5 software engineering job, which I saw as my only other option. So I persisted. I was miserable, but I just wasn’t able to be completely honest with myself and say, this is not working out, I need to find something else to do. I didn’t know enough to see that there were other options for me out there if I quit, I didn’t have to get that 8-to-5 programming job. And there wasn’t anyone who knew me well enough to shake me out of my stupor and say, “Look at how miserable you are. You should quit.” Maybe if someone had said that to me, I would have felt like I had permission to quit. But no one did. So I looked forward to graduation the way a prisoner might look forward to the end of his term.

The Present
After my third semester of grad school I landed the job I have now as a news assistant. I was looking for something different and this was definitely different. It was a part-time job that had absolutely nothing to do with anything I studied, which I think was the point. Where I felt out of place in grad school, this job just clicked with me. I liked it a lot and I felt like I was reasonably good at it.

So I had my job, but I didn’t quit school. By that time I felt like I was so far in that I had to finish, so I trudged on and graduated at the end of 2005. But after that I spent some time thinking about what I really wanted to do. And I decided that what I really wanted was to learn how to write like a professional. There are jobs out there for those people, aren’t there? I hope. So I’m back in school, this time going for a master’s degree in English.

And the strange thing I’ve discovered in the past eight months or so is that it is amazingly easy to start over. No one cares that I have a background in another field. No one cares that I made a colossal mistake getting a degree that is virtually useless to me at present. No one cares. It was that easy to start over and go in a completely new direction. It was just deciding to flip that switch, and now I’m much happier than I’ve been in the past few years. I get up every day and I like what I’m doing. And I realize that this is how it should be.

I suppose you could look at all this and say I am hopelessly confused, a person who goes blindly from one thing to another. But I think a lot of people end up doing this type of thing, i.e. trying law school, hating it, deciding to drop out. Only I didn’t drop out. You could say I am completely impractical for having two degrees in a subject and not using them and deciding to go in a completely different direction. Which is true. But I think the main point of all this is that I am finally at a point where I have an idea of what I want to do, where before I really, truly did not. I was a person lost in the wilderness not even sure where to go, much less how to get there. Now I’m going to be 25 and I finally have at least a general idea of a destination. It has only taken seven years, lol.

Sometimes I go back and question my decisions and think I should have done things completely differently. I should have gone to a different school or picked a different major or not gone to grad school. But I always come to the same conclusion: If I could go back in time to when I was making those decisions, I probably would make the exact same ones. It seems simple now, but when I start thinking back to those decisions, the situation was always more complicated than I remember it being on first reflection. These decisions weren’t made lightly; based on what I knew of the world at the time, they made sense to me. They weren’t completely illogical. Would I really want to go back in time and this time decide to go to a different school, and be tens of thousands of dollars in debt right now? And instead of going to grad school, would it have been better if I had gotten a full-time job straight out of college? What if I had majored in biology instead of computer science? Would I really be better off if I had done those things? I don’t know. Everything comes with its complications. Maybe it’s a good thing that you can’t go back and change your decisions.

On reflection, I think the biggest thing I’m guilty of is shortchanging myself at times, not wanting to leave a particular path in search of something better for fear of making waves. And maybe not taking the time to think about things enough, not knowing how to go about reaching that elusive goal of contentment. But I think that’s difficult for everyone. Who graduates from high school and knows exactly what they want to do for the rest of their life? I don’t think many people do. Maybe seven years is a relatively short amount of time to start figuring it out.

Things I'm planning to do over spring break

• Read. I'm currently reading three books simultaneously--Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (which is huge compared to the first three Potter books), The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama (almost done with this one), and a short story collection by Alice Munro (I forget the name, but the thing about her writing is that every story seems similar and yet they're all good). I have this internal debate going on: is it better to read books, magazines, newspapers, or things on the Internet (blogs, etc.)? I suppose the answer is a combination of the three. At various times I read one category more than the others. One time a magazine editor spoke in a class I was taking, and she mentioned that she was very caught up on magazines but hardly ever read books. Not surprising, considering her job, but it made me wonder, how does that shape a person's way of processing information? You must start thinking in magazine article prose. Likewise for someone who reads only newspapers, or only books, or only blogs.
• Cook. Sometimes I feel like I'm eating plastic food because I've eaten the exact same dinner so many times, the same dinner that wasn't even that good the first time. I'm no great cook--all my recipes come from Rachael Ray's 30-Minute Meals--but I thought I'd try out some new recipes now that I have some time on my hands.
• Practice piano. Currently stuck on the piano arrangement of Pachelbel's Canon.
• Watch loads of TV. Bad, bad me. Last night I watched Deal or No Deal.
• Update the blog. Which I'm doing right now, of course.

So the past two days have been warm. I just love the the first really warm days of the year. Yesterday I was walking down the street and I just started smiling. It's hard to be sad when the weather is so nice.

Changes to the UTEP library in the past couple of years:
1. There is now a fully-functioning coffee shop in the lobby that serves really good cappuccino muffins and sandwiches and caffe mochas. I never thought I'd see the day that would happen. It makes the whole library smell slightly different than before, though not in a bad way.
2. Government documents have moved to the basement and the browsing collection is now on the first floor. Now there's a large open area of sofas and tables next to all the "popular" books. Also the books are now on higher shelves where before they were on these really low shelves that you'd have to lean down uncomfortably to look at. This is a much nicer browsing area than before.
3. I'm writing this from the computer lab on the first floor. The computer lab used to be one room on the second floor, kind of hidden, where you'd have to show your UTEP ID to some bored kid behind the counter. And there were never enough computers. Now the computer lab takes up most of the first floor that's not in the "browsing area" and you can log using your e-mail log-in. Any time I have come here the computer lab is full of students.

Kudos to the UTEP library for making some cool changes. I have this theory that the whole world is transforming into one huge Internet cafe.

I completely agree with this. Why does doing something charitable have to involve buying something?

The Sun magazine

I found out about The Sun magazine from a class presentation. Based on what I can see from the website, it seems like one of the coolest magazines around. The photos alone are amazing, and the articles seem really honest and thoughtful and unusual. Unfortunately, 1) all the online articles are only excerpted, so just when you get into a piece the ending is cut off and 2) a subscription costs $36 a year, which is a little steep (that's what you get for not having advertising). But this might be worth saving up for.

Is it weird that I prefer You've Got Mail to Sleepless in Seattle? Maybe You've Got Mail is the echo of Sleepless but to me it just seems funnier, more surprising, and sweeter in a lot of ways. Or maybe it's the fact that I relate to the whole computer thing.

Critique of recent books on atheism in the NY Times. "It seems that these critics hold several odd ideas, the first being that anyone attacking theology should actually know some."

Sand circles in the Upper Valley turn out to be the work of a local artist, not signs of a UFO, in a bizarre local news story. Bizarre but also very cool. According to the El Paso Times article, "The idea is to do environmentally friendly art that will eventually be reclaimed by wind, water and time. It is also meant to challenge people's concept of what art is. " Interesting--the decomposition process is part of the art.

The dreaded windy season has begun in El Paso. Last night I found what looked like a dried-up Christmas tree that had blown onto the road in front of the house. And my allergies are back because of the dust. Great. I don't remember how long this usually lasts--six weeks or so? I really hate this time of year.

There was yet another occasion for birthday cake this weekend. How does this sound: homemade cinnamon swirl cake with cream cheese and cinnamon frosting? Yummy....

Neglect

OK, I'm guilty. I've been neglecting my blog. I used to wonder why people suddenly quit blogging. Now I know why. They just get busy with their lives. They are so busy living that they don't have time to write about it.

Lately I just want to write things that are more ambitious. Things that can't be written in an hour. It is just so tempting to spout off when have you this forum where you can write something and see it published instantly. But people take years to write novels and memoirs. They spend hours agonizing over word choices and what details to include. And I realize I want to do that. I want to spend the time and really do justice to what I have to say. If it takes six months, then it takes six months. There's no hurry. I want to really write instead of just documenting whatever half-formed ideas are floating around in my head.

And I do want to be more personal. I don't want to shut off my life to whoever reads this. I do want it to say something about who I am. I don't want it only to be a space to paste up whatever fun links I come across. Which it seems to be lately. But the shocking self-revelations will come when there's time. So stick around.

Jones Soda

Anyone ever tried Jones soda? I bought a bottle of Jones Soda Co. root beer at 7-11 yesterday. The text on the label is amusingly honest:

"Ya gotta make a living somehow; we chose the beverage world. Good old soda with a twist. No hidden meaning, no billion dollar ad campaigns. At Jones, we want you to buy a lot of soda and recycle the bottles. The labels are kind of like our minds--always changing. Run with the little guy...create some change. www.jonessoda.com"

Oh yeah, and the soda was really good, too.

The Plaza Theatre

On Wednesday I went to see a concert at the Plaza Theatre. Finally, I got to see this theatre I have been hearing so much about. It really is amazing. It’s the most elegant concert venue I’ve ever been to. A neon sign beckons you in from the streets of Downtown El Paso. Inside, the theatre looks brand new yet it still feels like you have stepped back in time. In 2006 the final touches were made to restore the theatre to its original 1930s Southwest-style décor, and the restorers did an excellent job. The brown diamond-shaped tiles in the entryway are the perfect color and pattern. The walls are brown plaster and adorned with paintings and photos of El Paso notables. The lobby is impressive with its plush carpeting, lovely staircase, frescoed ceiling, and beautiful chandelier. Dim lighting lends an air of anticipation. Even the restrooms have an old-fashioned elegance with marble stall doors and silver soap dispensers.

Inside the actual theater, the décor makes you feels like you are in a courtyard of a Spanish-style house. Fake windows and rooftops appear on either side of the rows of plush red velvet seats. A sky with clouds is projected onto the ceiling. When the lights go out, the ceiling is lit up to look like a night sky full of stars. The stage itself is framed by ornately carved columns. A place like this makes me think about what it must have been like in the ‘30s and ‘40s when going to the movies was a special event complete with organ music. The stage seems smallish for a concert but it’s enormous in comparison to most movie theater screens.

I’ve never been to a concert where the venue itself makes you feel like you’re about to see something really exciting. Most concert venues I’ve been to are boring, modern, and industrial, but this theater is classy, charming, and beautiful. In my opinion, this is the place to see an event in El Paso. At the end of the night I didn’t want to leave.

The Plaza Theatre website has information on the interesting history of the theatre. There’s also a really cool virtual tour where you can actually “look” inside the theatre. Worth checking out.

NY Times article about getting in the audience for various late-night shows. Of Conan O'Brien, Ben Sisario writes, "Even paler and more boyish than he appears on screen, he was also doubly zany and energetic in his own crowd warm-up." Paler than he is on TV? That's hard to imagine.

Valentine's Day

My mom loves Valentine's Day. Every year she gives me a gift--usually a card and some candy, sometimes jewelry. This morning I saw she left me a pretty blue soda fountain glass full of Hershey's chocolates and a card. Aw, my mom is so sweet. My mom is of the school of thought where Valentine's Day is for everyone. It's for family and friends, classmates, co-workers. She has a very generous way of thinking.

And then there's me. I'm pretty sour on holidays in general, but this one in particular. I think Valentine's Day is for one set of people only (lovers), and not belonging to that set, why should I celebrate? I buy all those conspiracy theories about Valentine's Day being made up by candy and jewelry companies. Yeah, I'm cynical.

But not that cynical, at least not this year. Not to seem ungrateful, last night after she had gone to bed, I set out a dozen pink roses and a giant Valentine's Day card for my mother. Since a day can mean different things to different people. And Mom always deserves flowers :-).

Who knew? There's an El Paso group on flickr with some pretty cool photos.

The Blue song came up on Pandora. Hilarious. I love that song.

The Goo Goo Dolls perform at the Plaza Theater on Wednesday. I am so there.

Three things I wish still aired on VH1:
- Behind the Music. Ninety percent of what I know about music I learned from BTM. Seriously.
- Pop-Up Video. This always resulted in some laughs. I'd rather watch this (either old or in some new form) than another airing of I Love the 80s.
- Music videos before 1 a.m. Why must a person stay up late to be current on music videos?

Amusing thread on celebrity encounters on NMK.

Groundhog Day

In honor of Groudhog Day, check out Groundhog Central. El Paso doesn't have a groundhog but it was a beautiful sunny day, leading me to believe that winter won't be hanging around for long.

Tonight at work the power went out for about 20 minutes. It's strange what people do in that situation. Since all of our work depends on computers, none of us could do anything work-related, but the emergency lights came on so we weren't in total darkness. It was sort of like recess at school. One person played games on his cell phone. Another person did a sudoku puzzle. Across the room someone started throwing a ball into the air and catching it. And then the power came back on and we all went back to staring at our computers. The end.

The Police will reunite for the Grammys. I have dreamed of this day....

I'm currently reading The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama. I've only gotten as far as the prologue but already I like what he has to say. Here is a man who really gets the purpose of government. Of his experiences talking to ordinary citizens of Illinois during his Senate campaign, Obama writes on page 7:

"No blinding insights emerged from these months of conversation. If anything, what struck me was just how modest people's hopes were, and how much of what they believed seemed to hold constant across race, region, religion, and class. Most of them thought that anybody willing to work should be able to find a job that paid a living wage. They figured that people shouldn't have to file for bankruptcy because they got sick. They believed that every child should have a genuinely good education--that it shouldn't just be a bunch of talk--and that those same children should be able to go to college even if their parents weren't rich. They wanted to be safe, from criminals and from terrorists; they wanted clean air, clean water, and time with their kids. And when they got old they wanted to be able to retire with some dignity and respect.

That was about it. It wasn't much. And although they understood that how they did in life depended mostly on their own efforts--although they didn't expect government to solve all their problems, and certainly didn't like seeing their tax dollars wasted--they figured that government should help."

If this were a speech I'd stand up and applaud right about now.

Random thoughts

• I feel like my life hasn't been this busy in years. Three college classes + part-time job + this blog + everything else. But it's good to be busy.
• My sister is going to Washington and New York for four days. I wish it was me.
• I'm tired of the cold weather.

Here are some good guidelines for blogging from a post on mistersugar:
"Blogging, at its best, is a conversation....I write as if I’m going to meet my audience the next day, and I only write what I’m prepared to defend. "

Snow!

I woke up and looked out my window this morning to find everything covered in snow. Some of the predicted snow finally made an appearance. I don't know whether I'm excited or scared since I'm probably going to have to drive in it.

Tootsie

Sunday night I watched Tootsie again. This is a movie that I think about sometimes in my life. There are certain situations where I ask myself, Would I put up with this if I were a man? Would Dustin Hoffman in drag put up with this? It seems many women have the problem of being "too nice", and the world would be a better place if we spoke up more.

Changes at TIME

This article explains a lot about the changes in TIME magazine:
"Time Inc. management, on the advice of consultants from McKinsey, is trying to cut costs, reflecting the brutal realities of the mass magazine business. At the end of the month, there will be significant layoffs at the magazine division, and it will not be limited to cuts among Time's 280 editorial employees. Other magazines in the Time Warner division will re-engineer and cut as well.

At Time, [managing editor Richard] Stengel has moved swiftly. In the past six months, the huge rate base of Time magazine has been cut by almost 20 percent, the street date has been moved, and at the end of the month, the standard editorial model — a centralized, well-paid cadre processing every bit of copy that appears in print — will be kaput, replaced by a leaner enterprise built on star voices who will presumably get less editing.

....

To do this, [Stengel] is prepared to eschew Time's historically Olympian editorial voice, and its penchant for cover articles that track trends in lifestyle, and instead present point-of-view journalism, booking 'revered economist Jeffrey Sachs' and 'great modern historian and Harvard University professor Niall Ferguson' as contributors."

This is really, really sad, since I liked TIME magazine the way it was just a few weeks ago, when it had news articles about things I was interested in instead of a bunch of essays by people I don't know of about things I don't care much about. I can't imagine that many of TIME's readers were complaining that the magazine had too many news articles and not enough opinion pieces. I guess it shows the complete illogical nature of the corporate world, where it's all about money. So much so that they'd dismantle the traditional format they've had for so many years and go with something completely different.

Photos of El Paso

Photos of El Paso taken on a much sunnier and brighter day a few weeks ago:

View of I-10, the border, and Juarez, Mexico from a UTEP parking lot

UTEP parking lot with view of Franklin Mountains in center

Looking down from Scenic Drive

East view from Scenic Drive

Downtown El Paso with Juarez in background

Facing west

If you get a chance, check out the National Geographic Channel In the Womb series. I've gotten hooked on watching these. They're really amazing. The one on dolphins and elephants is good and so is the one on multiples.

Now I want an iPhone.

Snow

Many weeks delayed, but here are some cool pics of snow in my backyard:

Cold

It is SO COLD. Check out the 5-day forecast and the forecasted high of 35 degrees on Friday.

Great post on bluishorange about art.

An excellent way to spend $10: donate a bed net through Malaria No More.

Time, aging, etc.

It's January and it's already warm. I see the sun shining a little more brightly. The spring semester is coming up and I've signed up for three classes. At times like this it's like I can almost see the time passing by right in front of my eyes. And I want it to stop. Not like I'm over the hill at 24, but I fear getting older. I feel like an overgrown college kid when I see people who are 18. Last year on my birthday I really felt like only a few months had passed since my last one. I felt like not much had changed about me at all in a year. I heard a song lyric the other day, "Every year is getting shorter", and I understood exactly what that meant. When did that happen?

And then today I watched the documentary 49 Up. I've really enjoyed watching this series. In a way it is sort of like a high school reunion or a reality TV show about aging. But after I finished it I realized, why do I need to be watching this when I can just look at my own parents and see the same thing? The subjects in the documentary are nearly the same age as my own parents. I only have to look at old photos and rummage through my own memories of them to see examples of people aging over the years. There are pictures of them in their 20's, so young and full of life, my dad with his still-dark curly hair, smooth skin, and chubby-cheeked grin, my mom with her long, straight dark hair and beautiful wide smile. Once I saw a picture of my mom at my exact age and I joked with her, "Mom, you were just a baby back then." Then their 30s. My parents were both 30 when they had me. In pictures of when I was just born, they look so young, so excited to have this little child and be on the cusp of starting a family. But somewhere along the line came the parents I mostly remember. The parents who were constantly stressed and tired--Mom the disciplinarian who always seemed to be nagging me and my sisters for some thing or another and Dad coming home from work in his jacket and tie, spent after a long day.

Then the years after the divorce. Tough years. And then now, where it seems they are both a life away from the way they were in their 20s and 30s. It seems they are both much more relaxed now than when they were when I was growing up. My mom especially seems so much more sure of herself. In the last five years, I think she has really come into her own. She's a savvy businesswoman and is working on a master's degree. She has shown me that there are definite advantages to getting older and that there are always going to be new challenges to face.

And thinking about all this makes me wonder, Is there such a thing as the ideal age? I think if someone asked me that right now I'd say that there's good and bad to every stage of life and there's not one perfect age. And, of course, it's different for every person. But I remember when I was in fifth grade, one of our writing assignments was to say what age would be ideal and why. Most of my classmates picked 18 or 21, I guess because you can buy cigarettes or alcohol. I picked 30. I thought 20 was too young and 40 was too old. And my teacher, this really cool lady who was probably in her mid-30s at the time, agreed with me. She said by that time you've settled into a career and probably a marriage, or decided not to marry. I think I have held on to that idea a little bit through the years. Though I am really dreading getting older, I'm sort of looking forward to that milestone of stability. Maybe somehow 30 will be the magical age where things will make more sense, relationships will fall into place and I'll finally see, ah-ha, that's what I should be doing with my life. Maybe at 30 I won't feel so insecure about myself. I guess I'll have to wait and see to find out.

Meme

Thought I'd answer this even though I wasn't tagged with it. Via feeling listless.
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Is it sad that I can't think of anything?
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No and yes.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin, a girl, in November.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My aunt, in January.
5. What countries did you visit?
U.S., Mexico.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Greater sense of direction.
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Nov. 8, the day my second cousin was born. I saw her in the hospital just after she was born and it was pretty amazing.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Mustering up the courage to go back to school. This was pretty cool, too.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Didn't do enough. Too much time spent as a couch potato.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I think I had a cold once or twice.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Blue corduroy pants.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Oprah Winfrey.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
George W. Bush.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Tuition.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Season finale of Project Runway.
16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
"Boston" by Augustana
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:happier or sadder? Happier.
Thinner or fatter? Thinner, I think.
Richer or poorer? Poorer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Had more adventures.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Moping.
20. What was your favorite TV program?
"The Office"
21. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn't dislike this time last year?
Not that I can think of.
22. What was the best book you read?
White Oleander by Janet Fitch.
23. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Pretenders.
24. What did you want and get?
The chance to go back to school and do something different.
26. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Pursuit of Happyness.
27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went out to dinner with my family. Age 24.
28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A journey to some incredible far-off place.
29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Pants (jeans or cords) and solid-color T-shirt. Hoodies were very big in 2006, too.
30. What kept you sane?
Music. Listening and playing piano.
31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
*Blushes* Rafael Nadal, tennis player extraordinaire.
32. What political issue stirred you the most?
War in Iraq.
33. Who did you miss?
My dad.
34. Who was the best new person you met?
Various people from work.
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006?
It pays to take risks sometimes.
36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"But when the night is falling
And you cannot find the light
If you feel your dream is dying
Hold tight
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget you only get what you give"
-"You Get What You Give" The New Radicals

Quote from Must Love Dogs:
"I love this Internet. It's part fantasy, part community, and you get to pay your bills naked."

Shyness vs. introversion

Interview with Jonathan Rauch, who wrote a great essay about introverts. (via kottke) Mentioned in the interview but still unclear to me is the difference between shyness and introversion. Says Rauch:

"To me, shyness implies a real reluctance to be socially aggressive or assertive. It's very difficult for shy people to put themselves out there if they need to. For introverts, it's never easy to do, but it's more a matter of reluctance to expend the energy, because it tires us out."

My view from things I've read on the subject is that introversion is a personality type while shyness is more of an undesirable trait. Shyness is something that can be changed, but introversion is something fundamental about your personality that is probably impossible to change. You can be an introvert and not shy, I suppose. However, it seems like there's a close connection between the two. I can't think of a person being shy who is not an introvert. To me, it seems introversion lays the groundwork for shyness.

Further on, Rauch says:

"I think that's probably a core introvert characteristic that you and I have in common and which can probably be distinguished from shyness per se—that small talk takes conscious effort and is very hard work. There's nothing small about small talk if you're an introvert. But we're good at big talk."

I think the point he's trying to make is that introverts don't have a hard time expressing opinions if it's something they're interested in, but they do have a hard time coming up with social banter. But isn't that exactly why people who are introverts become shy? They have a tough time engaging with people because the small talk needed to get a conversation started doesn't come naturally to them. Which leads to frustration and a reluctance to want to put themselves out there again. It's like shyness is a pitfall of introversion that you have to work to avoid.

Resolutions

• Eat less junk food
• Exercise more
• Practice piano more often
• Write something cool
• Be more observant
• Read at least one great novel
• Do more outdoors things
• Make a career plan
• Learn Spanish

Easier said than done.

When did it become a fad for kids to have skates in their shoes? I see these everywhere I go. According to Google, they're called Heelys and were apparently one of the hottest Christmas gifts of 2006. I like the slogan: "Freedom is a wheel in your sole".

That was fast

I'm happy to report that Wal-Mart is already selling Valentine's Day candy.

Goodness

I'm reading a story where the main character has a line where he says that most people are good except for a few who are just plain jerks. Is that true? I know there are jerks out there, but are the rest of us generally good? One of my political science professors put it this way: he raised his hand down the middle of his head and said in his Polish accent, "Man is half good and half bad." I can buy that, coming from a man who fought in World War II. We all have this dual nature, that in some ways we're kind and good-hearted, in others we're selfish and greedy. At different times, one or the other nature wins out, sort of like the angel and the demon sitting at each shoulder. In the Christian tradition, only God is good and we're all sinful and need to be redeemed. True or not? Can there be goodness apart from God? I suppose you have to define "good"--if "good" means that you are a law-abiding citizen and are reasonably nice to the people in your life, then I think most of us are good. If good means "not evil" then most of us are good. But if by "good" you mean living without sin, following all the laws in the Bible to the letter, and having complete purity of heart, then none of us are good.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year, Internet.

Writing

Writing is hard. This is my problem lately: I start writing some introspective piece, then I get pretty far into it and I realize that it's like pulling a piece of yarn from a sweater. You pull one string and the whole thing starts coming apart. Writing is thinking, and the more I start thinking about things, the more complex they get. And it seems like as soon as I start putting things on paper (or computer), I get frustrated because I think, this is not true. I mean, it's not a lie, it's not like I'm making up who I am as I go along, but it's not the 100 percent real truth. Especially here where many things can't be discussed or I don't want to discuss them.

I think we all have this tendency to make everything a narrative, with a pat ending, all nice and neat and tied up with a bow, but the reality is jagged and curved and cut into pieces. You can take the bird's eye view or you can really be honest and get down into the curves and sharp edges. But I look at those and sometimes I don't like what I see. I write about myself and try to do so with some honesty, then I take a cold hard look at it and realize these things I don't want people to know about me may be things that I need to change.

I've always had this thing about fiction, that it's somehow inferior because it's not true, but lately I've begun to see things a little differently. Maybe in some ways fiction is more honest than nonfiction, because in fiction everything is made-up and there's nothing to cover up. Because it's actually less complex than reality, it's easier to get to general truths without wading through the compounding details. It's easier to get into that close-up view with fiction because it's in the realm of character rather than the realm of reality. You're criticizing the character, you're not criticizing me as a person. And I've never been very into creative writing but sometimes I am tempted to switch to writing short stories or semi-autobiographical novels rather than writing about myself and what's really happened to me and attempting to make some kind of narrative out of it. Do you know what I mean? Or am I just rambling?

Going places

It's dark and I'm going 70 on I-10 headed to Downtown, towards the Wells Fargo building lit up like a Christmas tree in the distance. Blue Oyster Cult plays on the radio. I feel like I'm in a movie. Maybe because of the music, or because of the speed, or because of where I'm going, or most likely the perfect combination of the three, but at this one moment I'm excited to be alive. I sing along, street lights are a blur at either side of me on the freeway.

From an interesting essay by anchorman Brian Williams in Time:

"It is now possible — even common — to go about your day in America and consume only what you wish to see and hear. There are television networks that already agree with your views, iPods that play only music you already know you like, Internet programs ready to filter out all but the news you want to hear.

The problem is that there's a lot of information out there that citizens in an informed democracy need to know in our complicated world with U.S. troops on the ground along two major fronts. Millions of Americans have come to regard the act of reading a daily newspaper— on paper — as something akin to being dragged by their parents to Colonial Williamsburg. "

Top 10 lists for 2006

I've gotten into the habit at the end of each year of making lists of the most memorable things I read/watched/listened to, and I thought I'd share that here this year. Yes, I'm aware that many of these were not released in 2006.

Books - Not a big year for heavy reading. I think Madam Secretary was my Mount Everest this year.

• Ash Wednesday Ethan Hawke - surprisingly good book written by a celebrity
• Blue Like Jazz Donald Miller
• Freakonomics Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
• Harry Potter, Books 1-3 J.K. Rowling
• In Her Shoes Jennifer Weiner
• Lost and Found Carolyn Parkhurst - funny
• Madam Secretary Madeleine Albright
• Mockingbird : A Portrait of Harper Lee Charles J. Shields
• White Oleander Janet Fitch
• Why Do I Love These People? Po Bronson

Movies - Ah, the year I subscribed to Netflix.

• 7 Up documentary series
• Akeelah and the Bee
• American Dreamz - hilarious satire
• Cars
• Click
• The Devil Wears Prada
• I Heart Huckabees
• Late Night Shopping
• The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada - looks like it was filmed in El Paso
• World Trade Center

Music - I admit it, I listen to Top 40 radio. A lot. Some of these are songs and some are albums.

• "At My Most Beautiful" REM
• Chopin Ballade No. 1 in G minor
• "Crazy" Gnarls Barkley
• "Hate Me" Blue October - read the lyrics
• Hopes and Fears Keane
• Hotel Moby
• "Over My Head" and "How to Save a Life" The Fray
• U2: Best of 1980-1990
• Vivaldi Concerto for Violin and Two Cellos - I heart Vivaldi
• Why Should the Fire Die? Nickel Creek

TV - What happened to all the dramas? And it was a big year for reality TV.

• "30 Days" - Morgan Spurlock is a genius
• "Everybody Hates Chris"
• "Iron Chef America"
• "Little People, Big World"
• "The Office"
• Oprah Winfrey Show 20th Anniversary Collection DVD - highly recommended
• "Project Runway" - so addicted to this show
• "The Soup"
• "Survivor"
• "VH1 Nocturnal State" - best thing on TV after 1 a.m.

Funny poll

Vote in this poll on NMK. I wonder where those two people live, because I want to move there.

Christmas shopping at the liquor store

I went into a liquor store for the first time yesterday. A few minutes earlier I had been in a grocery store--the grocery store with its wholesome smells of baked goods and ground coffee and fruits and vegetables. But the smell of the liquor store reminded me of a warehouse. It was a very utilitarian place, both in smell and decor. Here's your liquor, and that's all. No Christmas decorations or cheery displays, just shelves and shelves of every alcoholic beverage imaginable, and absolutely nothing else. No shot glasses or random gift items. No food products of any kind, not even the usual display of candy bars. It didn't seem like the kind of place you'd want to buy anything that you were later going to ingest.

I went up to the counter and asked a gray-haired man at the cash register to get some small bottles of Bailey's and tequila from a shelf behind the counter. Then I asked which brand of tequila he would recommend. Cuervo, he said, and it looked like he knew what he was talking about, so I took his advice. I bought the Bailey's and Cuervo. Got carded, of course, paid and left. And that was it, my first trip to the liquor store. I don't think I'll be going back any time soon.

Person of the Year

Time magazine names You as the Person of the Year. I think that's an appropriate choice, but I'm not as excited about it as I could be because, personally, I'm not a big fan of YouTube. Blogger, yes, YouTube, not so much. To me it's too much like regular TV, where you can just spend hours and hours watching mindless stuff.

According to Time Managing Editor Richard Stengel (in the "To Our Readers" section): "Thomas Paine was in effect the first blogger, and Ben Franklin was essentially loading his persona into the MySpace of the 18th century, Poor Richard's Almanack." I think that's stretching it just a little.

The postmodern Christmas Eve

I'll admit to feeling a little Grinch-like this Christmas. Last year's Christmas Day was OK, but Christmas Eve was hands-down the most disappointing I've had so far.

First of all, I had to work. On Christmas Eve! But as the saying goes, the news never sleeps. It wasn't too bad, though. I was happy because I got to come home early (around 8 p.m. instead of the usual 11 or 12). As I drove home I imagined myself coming home to a nice Christmas Eve dinner with the family. I envisioned some nice turkey cooked in the oven, cranberry sauce on the side, mashed potatoes, corn, and a salad. And then after dinner maybe we would all watch a movie together (It's a Wonderful Life, maybe?). Then I would fall peacefully asleep in anticipation of the unwrapping of presents on Christmas morning. This is what my family usually did on Christmas Eve in years past.

Instead I got home and this was the scene: my sister (I'll call her V.) and her friends were sitting on the couch watching a marathon of "My Super Sweet Sixteen" reruns on MTV. My other sister (A.) was talking on the phone. My mom was not home. She had left the house to see some friends of hers. And after a careful inspection of the kitchen, not only had she not made the fancy Christmas Eve dinner I imagined, she hadn't made any dinner at all. My stomach went into shock. I sat in the kitchen, totally bummed out, pretending to be interested in "My Super Sweet Sixteen". Finally hunger won over and I decided to make my specialty: grilled tomato and cheese sandwiches.

When my mom and A. had both arrived home later that night, and after all V.'s friends had left, we all decided break with tradition and exchange presents right then instead of waiting for the morning. Which felt extremely weird, but no weirder than any of the other things that had gone on that night. "My Super Sweet Sixteen" replacing It's a Wonderful Life as Christmas Eve viewing. Tomato and cheese sandwiches replacing a turkey dinner. And everyone sort of doing their own thing. I think you could definitely say my Christmas Eve last year was very postmodern. And maybe I'm more of a traditionalist than I realized because it bothered me so much.

My expectations are definitely different this year, in that I really don't have expectations. I may have to work again. And I know that if I want that Christmas Eve dinner I'd better be prepared to make it myself. And watch Christmas movies by myself if necessary. I am trying to look at it as just another day and not expect it to be the way it was in the past. The same way you unwrap a present and try to be happy about whatever it is even if it's not really what you wanted, I'm prepared for whatever I get: the traditional Christmas, the postmodern Christmas, or something in between. Maybe it all just doesn't matter as much anymore. We find our time to be together, why does it have to be in one particular way, on one particular night? We're older, the world is different (Exhibit A: the very existence of a show like "My Super Sweet Sixteen"), and things are not going to be the same as they were when I was younger. I should learn to put my expectations away. But honestly, I am sad about it, especially on a gloomy day like today. I wish we all made more of an effort to do things together and to hold on to long-standing traditions. I wish there were things I could depend on, things I could look forward to. At this era in our family, it seems we don't have these sacred traditions that we aren't willing to break, and that really makes me sad.

Philanthropy

From an article in USA Weekend:

"A few weeks from now, the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls will welcome its first 150 students. Winfrey built the state-of-the-art school for poor girls with potential; she personally interviewed every finalist (from a pool of more than 3,000 applicants) and plans to teach classes there via teleconference.......When these girls leave the academy, she believes, they will become the doctors, educators and leaders who will 'turn that continent around.' "

I really can't describe how much I love this idea. This is probably the best idea I've heard about trying to change the situation in Africa. If I had a billion dollars I think I'd try to do something exactly like this.

Motto

The key to a happy holiday is low expectations.

Not a baby

My baby sister turned 21 today.

I'm well on my way in my quest to try to watch every documentary on Netflix, lol. The latest was Street Fight, about the 2002 mayoral election in Newark. Really interesting if you like politics. I didn't know corruption like this still went on in America in the 21st century.

Stu's take on science vs. religion. I've always wondered what 'non-denominational spiritualist' meant.

This week's cover story in Time has some really good ideas about reforming education. I've seen some of these ideas in action in my college education (esp. the "teamwork approach" to learning) but definitely not in high school. Unfortunately, if you're not a subscriber to Time you'll need to watch an ad before you can access most of the article. Still, worth reading.

Latest batch of photos

A few obligatory holiday photos:


A pretty poinsettia plant. What happens to poinsettia plants after Christmas?

Mom's holiday dining room table.

Taken this morning:

Northeast El Paso desert. I don't know what that white spot is. It kind of looks like a bomb going off.

St. Francis of Assisi who watches over the front of the house.

Classic rock

Awesome radio station: 99.1 The Eagle.

Cheesecake bites

I can't think of an unhealthier snack than cheesecake bites from Sonic. Bits of fried cheesecake dipped in sugar. Which I was lucky enough to sample yesterday. Right after which I thought I might have a heart attack.

Movies I re-watched this weekend that were funnier than I remember:
-Clueless: Brings me back to 8th grade, when people started saying things like "As if." Art of word play is brought to a new level. Check out this quote page.
-Mean Girls: I played hooky from school one Friday to watch this. I remember eating a huge bag of popcorn and laughing like crazy. Tina Fey is my idol. This movie is hilarious. Also captures high school pretty well, I think.
-The Wedding Singer: I've watched this movie so many times I can recite the dialogue. "Julia's last name is going to be Guglia?" Still funny every time I watch it. And I love the '80s motif.

Excellent essay by Eleanor Roosevelt in the This I Believe project.

The highlights of my college days were my two stints on my student newspaper, in spring 2002 and summer 2003. Both times I was hired as a "correspondent" earning $10 per story, essentially a stringer. I didn't get paid much at all, but in a lot of ways it was the best job I've ever had.

I really felt at home among the journalism types. One thing that can be said about journalism is that no one does it for the money. Or they do, in part, but they also have to love it since the financial rewards are so small compared to what you find elsewhere. My editor from my first stint at the paper remains one of the coolest people I've ever met. A short guy with a crew cut and glasses, he was funny and smart and dedicated. I can still see him smoking cigarettes in the back of the student union. Once after a meeting of the newspaper staff, he said to us, "Isn't this what you all want to be doing for the rest of your life? So go out and do a good job." You could tell he really loved what he was doing. Best of all, he told me he liked my stories and gave me some good assignments.

When I was researching a story I felt like a different person. I was determined to do an excellent job on my stories, and because of that I found a boldness in myself I never knew existed. In my new role as a footloose, hard-nosed reporter, I would ask the tough questions. I decided I was willing go anywhere and talk to anyone to add to a better story. In other words, I was willing to risk making a pest of myself, something I would never do in my regular life.

In my two semesters I ended up talking to all sorts of people. I would go around campus, long skinny reporter's in hand, jotting down quotes in my bad shorthand. I marched into the UTEP police station and asked to see some records about an accident that took place on campus. I asked students what they really thought about the financial aid office. I went down to the Don Haskins Center and interviewed some cute kids at a basketball camp. I talked to fraternity boys and sorority girls about their rush weeks, and I asked a dietician about the dangers of diet pills. But I think my favorite story of all was an interview with Phil Jones, the Australian digeridoo player who gave a demonstration on campus one afternoon. He drove around the country giving demonstrations on the benefits of deep breathing and playing the digeridoo. For some reason I thought this was extremely fascinating. I came up with a huge list of questions and interviewed him for about 10 minutes, you'd think I was interviewing some famous rock star. Sadly, the story was cut and never saw the light of day, but I did find out more than I ever wanted to know about the digeridoo.

On more than one occasion my stories would get cut like the Phil Jones story. More often, they were banished to the inside pages of the paper. But a couple of times my editor would give me a plum assignment and my story would end up on the front page. Maybe this is silly, but even now those occasions still come up when I think about what I am proudest of in my life.

I look back and see a colorful collage of experiences, a collection of things I would never have seen otherwise. But it ended up being a bittersweet experience because at the end of my second stint I had to admit to myself that I was not cut out to be a reporter. When push came to shove, I was too much of a marshmallow to ask people things they really didn't want to answer. There were times where I felt like I was really annoying people, where I got embarrassed and lost my nerve, and I didn't like that at all. I could put on the aggressive reporter persona for a couple of semesters, but I knew I couldn't do it as a career. Sure, it was rewarding to think about a lot of people reading what I wrote and getting something from it, and it was fun getting to meet new people and see interesting things, but in the long run, I knew I wouldn't enjoy the day-to-day reporter tasks of making a million phone calls, banging on people's doors, and asking annoying questions. Being a reporter isn't my calling. It was hard to admit, but I knew it was so.

After that summer I quit the newspaper and spent the rest of my time in college studying things like math, computer programming, and software engineering. Yet somehow those days as a correspondent will always be special, more fun and exciting to me than any of the time I spent churning out code in the computer lab. Me as a bold and adventurous journalist, who knew it was possible? I'll always be glad for that experience even if it was short-lived.

Does anyone else think this is a bad idea?

12 Months of Monet

This painting is the December picture in my Monet calendar. It took me by surprise when I turned to it. Claude Monet actually painted that? Interesting.

Where is home?

I've lived in this house for over a year but I don't think of it as home. Maybe because it's in a different area of El Paso than where I grew up. I live in the Northeast but I used to live on the Westside. To be completely honest, I never really liked the Northeast much. And now, due to circumstances beyond my control, I live here. It's not so bad. This is a fine house. Nice neighborhood, great view of the mountains. But when I drive home from work now I don't think of it the same way I used to when I was coming home to the other house, where I was just so happy to be going home, to that neighborhood I knew I so well, to that sense of comfort and familiarity, you know? I live here, but it doesn't feel like home.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and for a second I think I'm back sleeping in my bed in the old house, the one I lived in from age 5 to 17. I remember the ugly flower pattern of the bedspread and how the moonlight used to come in through the oleander bushes outside my bedroom window. I remember waking up sometimes when I heard my parents talking late at night. I haven't lived there for seven years but for moments in the middle of the night my subconscious mind thinks I'm still there.

And I suppose I still think of that house as home. Home even though I don't live there and will never live there again. The house has been sold, painted white on the outside from the original red, remodeled on the inside. Another family lives there. My own family is all grown up and scattered. There's no going back, obviously. The house I knew exists mostly in my mind at this point. But maybe your childhood home will always be the one "home" you come back to. When you're young your house is your whole world, and the streets and the neighborhood and the house itself become ingrained in you in a way that doesn't happen when you're older. It was 12 years of this and this and this happening, the happy memories, the sad ones, the fights, the lazy weekend afternoons, meals shared, holidays spent, here's where I used to ride my bike, here's the backyard I used to play in, here's where I skinned my knee. So many individual moments with that setting as the background for it. Maybe that's why my subconscious mind always returns there. I grew up there and I can't imagine feeling the same way about any other place.

Yesterday I saw An Inconvenient Truth. My first impressions of the movie were about the slide show. I gave about a million PowerPoint presentations in my college career so I suppose I had an expectation that the slide show would be somewhat similar to that. Namely, boring, with the bullet points and the remote control clicker and all that. But instead it was this beautiful multimedia extravaganza, a seamless integration of facts and video and really effective charts and graphs. The one graph about the correlation between CO2 levels and temperature, where Al Gore climbed onto the stepping stool, that was genius.

And the message of the movie, of course, is a very serious one. I had no idea that Al Gore was so dedicated to studying this subject. He's a very credible and authoritative speaker on global warming. Out of all the things that I've seen or read on global warming, this movie has been most convincing to me of the seriousness of the issue. This problem is on such a huge scale with such great ramifications for the entire planet. But it just seems that fixing it is going to be extremely difficult, if not impossible. How do you get the entire world to change? Particularly when some U.S. leaders are still waffling on the issue of whether global warming is happening at all. I'm worried. I'm very worried.